I used to think I had an “S” on my chest and thought I could do it all. Never asking for help because I thought it would show weakness. Rarely asking questions because I thought it would show cluelessness. Often taking on too much in silence because if I didn’t do what was asked of me, I’d show laziness.
All this task hoarding did was drive me to the point of overwhelmingness.
I now know from what we’ve learned about vulnerability in this program that I’m not doing anyone any favors by thinking I am able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Leaders don’t know everything. Leaders listen and leaders ask questions. Leaders don’t take on everything. Leaders share the wealth and empower others to lead.
Comments that Brené Brown made in her 2018 book Dare to Lead Really stuck with me and made me realize that I was ready to be vulnerable when I decided to enroll in this program. In discussing the chronic complainers who do nothing to improve a situation, Brown noted, “Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fearmongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in what you have to say” (Brown, 2018, p. 20).
Granted, I never really complained out loud, but I certainly had those negative thoughts in my mind when I continually saw a lack of leadership and the people who were charged with leading me. “I see what they are doing, but I know I could do this so much better,” I thought to myself. So I applied to the MA in Leadership program, and here I am 10 months later, not directly speaking of leadership, but speaking of vulnerability because that is a key component of what it means to be a leader.
While at work has a copywriting lead at Ruffalo Noel Levitz (RNL), I am getting better at asking questions during meetings. Following my gut and providing directions to my colleagues. Putting myself out there when I’m unsure of the outcome or how my perspectives will be received.
I even am more vocal and honest at work about my personal life as a caregiver and a person living with multiple sclerosis. So much so that my wife, Jennifer, and I are presenting at an office wide webinar as part of RNL’s observation of July as Disability Pride Month. So, yes, colleagues Who always knew I took care of my wife who uses a wheelchair and deals with a very visible disability well now we know about the challenges I’m facing in dealing with my invisible disabilities.
So, yes, I’m feeling quite vulnerable. But I also feel even more empowered to lead.
References
Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work. tough conversations. whole hearts. New York: Random House.